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Trust Issues

11 Sep

Self-esteem problems. Paranoid. Crazy. Clingy. Those are some of the phrases often associated with questioning the person you’re dating and their whereabouts, tendencies or loyalty. Maybe you have a suggestive tone or ask in an insinuative manner, but people generally don’t take kindly to being doubted or accused, whether it’s happening falsely or it’s justified.
The thing is, the current state of dating isn’t doing trust any favors, even if you’re a confident individual.

It’s tough because even if you’re a highly sought after, hot commodity, or well aware in your own mind that you have plenty to offer and appreciate, there’s no ignoring the common, shiesty fuckery that goes on these days. We can’t pretend like we don’t see or hear of boyfriends and girlfriends — really good ones — being cheated on and screwed over without the slightest clue what was going on. We all have a friend or know of an acquaintance who has gotten screwed over, and seeing how miserable it made them can make you want to install a heavy-duty security system around your emotions.

That blindsided broken heart business is no joke; so if anyone so much as walks up our driveway, the premises must hastily be locked down. You’re on private property, back up — quit asking all those questions and trying to get to know me/break in and steal all of my stuff, before running off like a bandit.

Moral compasses are like electronic devices, ruined when people douse ‘em in booze. Loyalty has become lukewarm allegiance that weak-willed people try to alter the meaning of, so it can fit whatever is currently convenient and justifying of their behavior. It’s just a meh, whatever type of thing, which is slightly terrifying if you believe you’re involved in something exclusive. In that sense, cheaters can have an effect on everyone.

Knowing people are becoming more willing to cheat, and others are willing to help them means that you simply can’t trust the billions of other people in this world, but you have to trust the person you’re dating so much, you don’t believe there’s anyone out there who can seduce or influence ‘em. That’s pretty friggin’ hard.

Imaginations are active, man — our generation drinks a lot of Starbucks and watches a ton of movies, we can’t control these unpleasant, suspicious thoughts sometimes. This leads to trust-related-arguments, which can really strain a relationship. People don’t like being questioned, people don’t like feeling the need to ask questions and hypothetical worries and preventative measures can ultimately lead two people to their demise.

As long as cheating and breaking trust become taken less seriously, treated casually and remain a common trend, we’re going to see more guarded people, and can you really blame them? Taking people’s feelings lightly, treating their hearts like that pair of old, reliable shoes that you love to wear sometimes for comfort, but don’t care how scuffed or beat up they get — that’s not okay.

This deceitful, behind the back stuff is just about the most abused, horrible thing you can do to a person without facing penalties from the law. The cops won’t arrest you for cheating on a boyfriend, you won’t get probation and a parole officer randomly checking in on you, making sure you’re not being a jerk to your next girlfriend. There’s no 100 hours of community service required, but you can do the community a service and simply refrain from getting officially involved. If strictly hooking up is your thing, hey, different strokes, nobody can knock you for doing what you prefer. My only wish is that people be honest and clear to each other, so everybody can know exactly what they’re getting into.

I suppose folks well aware of their guarded ways could be honest too. I’ve yet to see, Hey, baby — come checkout my trust issues! used as a pickup line, but I’m fairly certain it’d go over poorly. Which leads to the troublesome truth: honesty is going to become a rarity. If a person strictly seeking sex knows the person they want to hookup with wants more than a casual encounter, they’ll hide the truth nicely, packing it under a pile or counterfeit interest. Then there’s the other side: guarded, untrusting individuals who have to pretend to be normal because nobody wants a clingy, crazy person. Both types want something, so they fabricate or lie to get it.

The reason it’s natural to side with exclusive, relationship seekers is because they’re the ones who end up hurt. The hookup seeker may fake exclusively dating until they get what they want, then move on about their business. A cheater may remain in a relationship to have the best of both worlds, hoping they don’t get caught. The thing is, that always leaves somebody with a scar. It breaks hearts, it changes lives and even those who don’t experience it personally can be changed. The best daters can hope for is to not get screwed over, because they can wait and wait for an eternity, but even a commitment doesn’t guarantee safety.

The fact is, you’re going to put your heart in another human’s hands, giving them full responsibility for it.
Knowing that we’re imperfect  creatures, some wear and tear is to be expected, let’s just hope it’s not shredded to pieces as a result of complete and utter carelessness.

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It Happens to the Best of Us– A Valuable Lesson

2 Sep

Rejection sucks. It’s not as bad as being heartbroken from a relationship, but it is one of those experiences I often wish there was a special place in hell for. Rejection is like being the kid who isn’t picked on either kickball team during recess. Have you ever gotten an ulcer or stomach ache or indigestion after eating the wrong thing or eating too much? It’s sort of like that. Except that the ache is your ego being bruised. One of my friends once described rejection as being as painful as “being laughed at by a thousand people.” Or something like that.

Most of the time, I never know what to say to people when they get rejected. When I’ve been rejected in the past, it’s often been a good time to make an appearance at Dunkin’ Donuts.  And there is a high correlation between the number of donuts I purchase and how much I really liked the guy that rejected me.

Sometimes I substitute donuts for wine. I’ll usually go on a long run the next day too. This is my simple formula for dealing with rejection: eat donuts, drink wine, and run. Everything will be okay afterward.

I suppose I could also tell you that eventually you’ll get over it. That it’s not you who has problems. And I could tell you to find the next attractive person you meet and kiss them passionately to make yourself feel better. And I could distort that quote by Dita Von Teese and say, “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be some special snowflake out there who decides that they don’t like peaches.” I could tell you all of this and it could very well be true. But it won’t negate the universal truth that dealing with rejection is not fun.

One of the few times I decided to “just go for it” and be direct and straightforward with a guy about being interested him, it was met with silence. The fact that the medium was texting just made the whole thing more pitiful. (I actually really hate what texting has done to our communication and relationships. But most of us are forced to communicate this way, and so here we are.) I had to swallow the bitter pill that his silence meant he was just not interested. And while I am usually the queen of, “Don’t take things personally,” it’s really hard to not take it personally when someone “personally” doesn’t like you back.

I may not have been excited about being rejected but I am glad it happened that way. Why? Because most of the time when we like someone, we go through the mental torture of wishing and hoping and wondering if they like us too. And the beauty of being honest and straightforward even when you’re rejected, is that you no longer need to put yourself through the mental torture; you now have an answer. Now when you’ve been rejected, it may not be an answer that you like, but it’s an answer nonetheless. And it’s an answer that you can deal with it.

Because mental torture is not an answer; it’s not something anybody should be putting themselves through when there is an alternative.

The more I think about it, the more I want to live my romantic life the way I live all other parts of my life – direct and straightforward. It’s such a waste of time to live any other way, really. Whenever I want something in most areas of my life, I will either go for it or ask for it if it’s something I can’t obtain myself. And if I don’t get it, I live with the fact that I tried even when I failed. The truth is I have recently become extremely tired of these silly games that people play when they are interested in others romantically. The whole thing actually bores me half-way to death and I really wish we could all make a universal pact to stop it. But alas, the only person I can really change is myself.

Being direct and honest with people about liking them will almost always bring out that fear of being rejected, as it should. And rejection can make you feel (temporarily) insecure and filled with self-doubt – that is a reality.

But the alternative is being stuck in a mental purgatory over whether someone likes you back or not.

And one great thing rejection ought to teach you is to be kind but honest with people who you may not be interested in. And to be mindful of not putting them through any mental purgatory either.

Still, the greatest thing about rejection is that once you know, you know. And while you can spend time analyzing every minuscule utterance or gesture or interaction to try to understand the situation, chances are the person didn’t even really get to know you.  So you don’t have to try to understand; rejection means chalking things up to better luck and moving on. Hopefully, without any bitterness in your heart.

Because you might run into someone who likes peaches one day. And it would really, really, suck if you lost out because you had become a bitter peach. 

Oh & have I mentioned I randomly came across this free book you can download until midnight tonight?

Check it out on my previous post.

Breaking News On Syria– Just Tickle Me Pink

29 Aug

BREAKING NEWS ALERT!  FINAL DECISIONS REGARDING SYRIA:

Much of US constitutional theory focuses on how issues should be resolved – the process – rather than on substance – what should be done. … The United States has provided both a sense of direction and a mechanism. That, at its best, is what the peace process has been about. At worst, it has been little more than a slogan used to mask the marking of time.

By using the ‘Road Map For Peace’ process, which has clearly been working as well as any invisible line with a colored code name should- The US has decided to enforce the “Tickle-Me-Pink-Line” in order to keep Isreal and Syria from picking each others nose once again; troops have agreed to ceasefire.

The US will be transporting Miley Cyrus via hot air balloon to Syria as punishment promising the Syria governments that there will be no further explanation about the chemical bomb allegations as long as she is allowed permanent residency. 

Fun Fact:
Most Crayola crayon color names are taken from the U.S. Commerce Department’s National Bureau of Standards book called “Color: Universal Language and Dictionary of Names.” 

Will you look at that!!
“Universal”, they say!
We ”
Looks like the world agreed upon a Crayola Box that includes a total of 120 assorted colors without poking one another in the eyes first. I’m elated. This is progress folks- Huge! 

Seriously, so giddy. 

http://www.colourlovers.com/web/blog/2008/04/22/all-120-crayon-names-color-codes-and-fun-facts

After reading how Crayola changed the color Persian ‘something or the other’ to Peach in order to identity for children more easily that not everyone has the same skin color, I couldn’t help but recall the MLK Anniversary that was yesterday.

                (ahem) 

So now I’m over here all like- I need a dream.

So I put my head down on my desk.
I nodded off long enough it inspired a thoughtful dream full of love, hope and prosperity for all:

I HAD A DREAM –

THAT THE FREAKING UNITED STATES OF AMERICA FOCUSED ON THE NEEDS OF IT’S OWN CITIZENS AND OWN GOVERNMENT ISSUES BESIDES COSTLY EGOTISTICAL ASS CLOWNS LIKE…

Oh wait, what’s his name? (:

Now that you’ve got another fictitious opinion & someone elses unproductive Syria blog post- I’m going to get some work done.

So.Over.It. 

Twenty Dollars

17 Jun

  

 A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked.

“Who would like this $20 bill?”

Hands started going up.

He said, “I am going to give this $20 to one of you – but first, let me do this.”

He proceeded to crumple the 20 dollar note up. He then asked. “Who still wants it?”

Still the hands were up in the air.”Well,” he replied, “what if I do this?”

He dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. “Now, who still wants it?”

Still the hands went into the air.

“My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.
Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless; but no matter what happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.
Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are stillpriceless to those who love you. The worth of our lives comes, not in what we do or who we know, but by …WHO WE ARE. You are special – don’t ever forget it.”

– Unknown