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It Happens to the Best of Us– A Valuable Lesson

2 Sep

Rejection sucks. It’s not as bad as being heartbroken from a relationship, but it is one of those experiences I often wish there was a special place in hell for. Rejection is like being the kid who isn’t picked on either kickball team during recess. Have you ever gotten an ulcer or stomach ache or indigestion after eating the wrong thing or eating too much? It’s sort of like that. Except that the ache is your ego being bruised. One of my friends once described rejection as being as painful as “being laughed at by a thousand people.” Or something like that.

Most of the time, I never know what to say to people when they get rejected. When I’ve been rejected in the past, it’s often been a good time to make an appearance at Dunkin’ Donuts.  And there is a high correlation between the number of donuts I purchase and how much I really liked the guy that rejected me.

Sometimes I substitute donuts for wine. I’ll usually go on a long run the next day too. This is my simple formula for dealing with rejection: eat donuts, drink wine, and run. Everything will be okay afterward.

I suppose I could also tell you that eventually you’ll get over it. That it’s not you who has problems. And I could tell you to find the next attractive person you meet and kiss them passionately to make yourself feel better. And I could distort that quote by Dita Von Teese and say, “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be some special snowflake out there who decides that they don’t like peaches.” I could tell you all of this and it could very well be true. But it won’t negate the universal truth that dealing with rejection is not fun.

One of the few times I decided to “just go for it” and be direct and straightforward with a guy about being interested him, it was met with silence. The fact that the medium was texting just made the whole thing more pitiful. (I actually really hate what texting has done to our communication and relationships. But most of us are forced to communicate this way, and so here we are.) I had to swallow the bitter pill that his silence meant he was just not interested. And while I am usually the queen of, “Don’t take things personally,” it’s really hard to not take it personally when someone “personally” doesn’t like you back.

I may not have been excited about being rejected but I am glad it happened that way. Why? Because most of the time when we like someone, we go through the mental torture of wishing and hoping and wondering if they like us too. And the beauty of being honest and straightforward even when you’re rejected, is that you no longer need to put yourself through the mental torture; you now have an answer. Now when you’ve been rejected, it may not be an answer that you like, but it’s an answer nonetheless. And it’s an answer that you can deal with it.

Because mental torture is not an answer; it’s not something anybody should be putting themselves through when there is an alternative.

The more I think about it, the more I want to live my romantic life the way I live all other parts of my life – direct and straightforward. It’s such a waste of time to live any other way, really. Whenever I want something in most areas of my life, I will either go for it or ask for it if it’s something I can’t obtain myself. And if I don’t get it, I live with the fact that I tried even when I failed. The truth is I have recently become extremely tired of these silly games that people play when they are interested in others romantically. The whole thing actually bores me half-way to death and I really wish we could all make a universal pact to stop it. But alas, the only person I can really change is myself.

Being direct and honest with people about liking them will almost always bring out that fear of being rejected, as it should. And rejection can make you feel (temporarily) insecure and filled with self-doubt – that is a reality.

But the alternative is being stuck in a mental purgatory over whether someone likes you back or not.

And one great thing rejection ought to teach you is to be kind but honest with people who you may not be interested in. And to be mindful of not putting them through any mental purgatory either.

Still, the greatest thing about rejection is that once you know, you know. And while you can spend time analyzing every minuscule utterance or gesture or interaction to try to understand the situation, chances are the person didn’t even really get to know you.  So you don’t have to try to understand; rejection means chalking things up to better luck and moving on. Hopefully, without any bitterness in your heart.

Because you might run into someone who likes peaches one day. And it would really, really, suck if you lost out because you had become a bitter peach. 

Oh & have I mentioned I randomly came across this free book you can download until midnight tonight?

Check it out on my previous post.

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A Childs Poem <3

29 Aug

My Mum once gave me some advice:

Feed your slug and eat your rice,
Comb your hair and keep your ‘elf.

And always, always be yourself.

You’ll feel really good inside
If you wear your horns with pride.
Keep your fangs and fuzzy ears,
Never mind the shrieks and jeers.

You’ll be loved by very many,
If you show your green antennae,Your monkey tail and purple nose; Confidence, it always shows.

Preen your wings, your giraffe’s neck.
Eat your teacher, what the heck.Style your hair like a banana,
Bare your teeth like a piranha,
Take your eyeballs off the shelf

And always, always be yourself.

– Stella –

Breaking News On Syria– Just Tickle Me Pink

29 Aug

BREAKING NEWS ALERT!  FINAL DECISIONS REGARDING SYRIA:

Much of US constitutional theory focuses on how issues should be resolved – the process – rather than on substance – what should be done. … The United States has provided both a sense of direction and a mechanism. That, at its best, is what the peace process has been about. At worst, it has been little more than a slogan used to mask the marking of time.

By using the ‘Road Map For Peace’ process, which has clearly been working as well as any invisible line with a colored code name should- The US has decided to enforce the “Tickle-Me-Pink-Line” in order to keep Isreal and Syria from picking each others nose once again; troops have agreed to ceasefire.

The US will be transporting Miley Cyrus via hot air balloon to Syria as punishment promising the Syria governments that there will be no further explanation about the chemical bomb allegations as long as she is allowed permanent residency. 

Fun Fact:
Most Crayola crayon color names are taken from the U.S. Commerce Department’s National Bureau of Standards book called “Color: Universal Language and Dictionary of Names.” 

Will you look at that!!
“Universal”, they say!
We ”
Looks like the world agreed upon a Crayola Box that includes a total of 120 assorted colors without poking one another in the eyes first. I’m elated. This is progress folks- Huge! 

Seriously, so giddy. 

http://www.colourlovers.com/web/blog/2008/04/22/all-120-crayon-names-color-codes-and-fun-facts

After reading how Crayola changed the color Persian ‘something or the other’ to Peach in order to identity for children more easily that not everyone has the same skin color, I couldn’t help but recall the MLK Anniversary that was yesterday.

                (ahem) 

So now I’m over here all like- I need a dream.

So I put my head down on my desk.
I nodded off long enough it inspired a thoughtful dream full of love, hope and prosperity for all:

I HAD A DREAM –

THAT THE FREAKING UNITED STATES OF AMERICA FOCUSED ON THE NEEDS OF IT’S OWN CITIZENS AND OWN GOVERNMENT ISSUES BESIDES COSTLY EGOTISTICAL ASS CLOWNS LIKE…

Oh wait, what’s his name? (:

Now that you’ve got another fictitious opinion & someone elses unproductive Syria blog post- I’m going to get some work done.

So.Over.It. 

The Right Way To Love Someone

17 Aug

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I’m not talking about the kind of love that comes in passionate sweeping ecstatic bits. I’m not talking about the love that leaves us breathless with hormonal(ly)-infused and socially projected chemical responses that we’re doing something right.

I don’t mean the love that takes us far from where we started, but that which brings us back, and that which acquaints us with who we are.

Not the outbursts of passion that drive us to madness. Not the false pretenses under which we fall into believing we’ll never survive without someone– not the love we attach ourselves to for the sake of self-assurance. Not the feeling that drives us to the obsessive and compulsive withholding of someone, but the love that fills us up and lets them go.

Love someone genuinely. Love the funny little things about them. Reassure them. Let your time together be an experience, not a chore or a social staple proving your worth.

Love is not within itself a nasty, manipulating thing, but we become nasty, manipulating people when we hold onto the kind of love that we falsely believe is the only way we can feel that sense of worth.

You have to love someone for who they are, who they were, and who they have the potential to become– even if you don’t always love all of those different people.

Even if you don’t agree with what they’ve done.

Even if you’re not sure about where they’re going. Love them because their souls are worth loving. Reach inside of them and make them feel.

Show them the unhealed parts of themselves, and hold their hand while they start the journey to accepting them.

We think of love as though we are destined for a happily ever after, and that it’s only a matter of finding someone else to give it to us.

Happily ever after will be infiltrated with illness, death, suffering, sadness, but also great achievement, excitement, adventure and growth.

Love is the person you want to be next to you at your parent’s funeral, and who you want to vacation with in the summer.

It is not the person who gives you a high.

It’s the person who speaks to your soul without speaking at all.

It’s the person you don’t know why you love, but you do. Sometimes, even, it’s against all of your better ideas to love them, but you do.

Love without reason, and love without condition, is the stuff we’re looking for.

People do not come into your life to fill roles and give you happy days with flawless execution and tireless dedication.

Love is a constantly flowing, understanding and patient equilibrium between two people who recognize in one another something deeper than that which they see in others.

Learn to see love with your soul, not your heart, and give it from there as well.

Love someone with the same forgiving, honest, vulnerable rawness that makes you lose your breath a little.

Love someone because they challenge you, and they make you want to be better.

Love someone because their soul inspires you, not because you’re interested in the relief from loneliness and companionship they can provide.

Anybody can do that.

Not just anybody can show you to yourself.

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Again, Food For Thought

2 Jul

Trust that I repeat this to myself all the time so believe me when I say it’s not directed to any individual. 

A collection of tough love: what nobody wants to hear but usually needs to at one point or another.

1. Nobody is thinking about you as much as you are. If you’re wandering around feeling self-conscious because you feel like everyone is judging you… remember that people are mostly worried about the people who are judging them.

2. It’s over. Or it never began. He doesn’t love you. Or she never did. Accept it.

3. If someone wants to be with you, they will be. If someone wants to talk to you, they will. If they don’t, they won’t. That’s all there is to it.

4. A lot of things aren’t as big of an issue as you’re making them out to be. There are exceptions, of course, but mostly, in a year from now, you’ll have new problems to fill your time. Keep that in mind.

5. If you’re with someone who is bad for you, leave them. Relationships are not meant to be destructive. There is no excuse for being abused in any way.

6. Nobody is going to feel bad if you use all of your problems as ammo for getting attention.

7. If you think you’re a failure, you might as well actually be one… what you tell yourself inside your head will manifest itself.

8. No one cares about your excuses. You are very rarely excused from stepping up and taking care of your responsibilities.

9. If you need to announce that you are or aren’t something, you usually are (or aren’t) that thing.

10. Not everyone will like you. Not everyone will be kind to you. Not everyone will agree with you.That does not mean you have to be unkind in return.

***  Side note: If you don’t like reading what is said – it’s very simple – stop you loon.

Thanks,

Twenty Dollars

17 Jun

  

 A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked.

“Who would like this $20 bill?”

Hands started going up.

He said, “I am going to give this $20 to one of you – but first, let me do this.”

He proceeded to crumple the 20 dollar note up. He then asked. “Who still wants it?”

Still the hands were up in the air.”Well,” he replied, “what if I do this?”

He dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. “Now, who still wants it?”

Still the hands went into the air.

“My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.
Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless; but no matter what happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.
Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are stillpriceless to those who love you. The worth of our lives comes, not in what we do or who we know, but by …WHO WE ARE. You are special – don’t ever forget it.”

– Unknown

Thick As Thieves <3

4 Jun

In an empty room or a downtown bar-
‘Cross the universe, there’s no place too far
Wherever you are,
you and me-
thick as thieves

Well it ain’t always pretty, sometimes it got rough
Could have thrown the towel in and thrown our hands up
Seems like we’ve always been and always will be-
Thick as thieves

Time won’t ever drag us down
You, me, us, ain’t looking back or turning around
It’s classic boy meets girl
– with our backs against the world.
You. Me. –
Thick as thieves

In a world without faith,
you’re what I believe.
When they’re stacking the deck
-you’re the card up my sleeve
… In my hour of need.
You and me – we’re thick as thieves

All that’s left behind us now
You, me, us, ain’t looking back or turning around –

If I robbed a bank you wouldn’t care,
You’d come sit on my lap in the electric chair –
And when they flipped the switch,
we’d just kiss.

I know nothing’s gonna stop us now-
You, me, us, on the edge and never looking down.
What’s a boy to do?
It’s classic  –
me and you.

Lucky you, lucky me

Thick as thieves.

Bon Jovi

btw

Someone who could just laugh at me

29 Apr

I don’t think that I necessarily NEED someone in order to feel complete or “whole”. 

What I need is someone who’ll just laugh at me at the end of each day that has been anything somewhat similar to the one I had today.

When I come home from work dragging my feet and with tears in my eyes &  a pouty face because my day had been some-what tough — I just NEED someone who’ll laugh at that no matter what.

OR when they get home only to find me in the middle of the livingroom floor kicking and whining in my squealing little child voice as if the entire world has mistreated me… I NEED SOMEONE WHO IS ABLE TO WALK IN THAT SITUATION and… JUST LAUGH.

…because I do that.  That is me.  I am 100% capable of throwing little temper tantrums. I mean,  drop my little crying ass on the floor in .04 seconds – then  seriously start kicking the floor like a little kid.  I do those things and I’m a little brat sometimes.  I admit it.  It’s just me.

I NEED someone to remind me to laugh at all the shit that is handed to me on my tough days.

Or at least step over me and continue about their business without freaking out.

I also love the thought of being able to think of them laughing at me when I get home during the exact moments that this tough shit gets thrown at me throughout my day because I KNOW once I think of how ridiculously silly I’m going to look to them while I’m being a brat… It will make me smile and then, well, the tough shit  won’t be so bad anymore.

Just, at the end of the day… THAT someone who knows how to laugh off the bullshit even when I seem to be drowning in it.

I WANT THAT.

Let it ALL out.

28 Apr

So this is it, this is what I’ve decided to do because all the inner turmoil has become exhausting to say the least.  

I’m letting it all out.

I don’t think it comes as any surprise when I say April has ALWAYS seemed to be the worst month of the year for me – it’s nearly become a freaking tradition.  To those who know me well enough would probably say the exact same thing I like to say them when things like this come up, “It’s just a story you’ve built up inside your own head.”  I admit, this is probably true but whatever – I like to get slapped in the face from time to time with my own words; it’s usually the reality check I’ve needed all along anyways.

I wouldn’t go as far as saying I’ve been “going through something” or “having a hard time” but rather write it off as a difficult shit-filled month.  We all have them – it’s either a hard day, hard week, hard month or chalk it up to a tough life but whatever you do don’t pity yourself because to be honest – IT’S JUST LIFE HAPPENING.   

So I’m going to cut the crap and share something I shared with one of my dearest friends who came to me during a time of stress.  She felt as if she had taken on too much – At the moment I received her message I felt the EXACT same way.  So, my response was this and I believe I was speaking to not only her but myself as well:

“know this and don’t you ever forget it: what you are doing with your life, regardless of the emotions it is causing due to stress, is admirable, it’s honorable, it shows courage, integrity and determination. As you go home after a shit filled day with a million and one things on your mind and stress sucking the life out of you- look in the mirror & you’ll see what I call strength. You’re still standing. You haven’t lost your mind due to the BS that surrounds every one of our days. This world, the people in it, THIS LIFE; it’s hard. It’s challenging. It can slam a person down to their knees and leave them gasping for air in a matter of minutes, IN SECONDS – I know this though, that HOPE you have been tied up to has locked you into a dream more profound than anything in this world can destroy. 
And  – you’re making it and this day will one day be laughable. Just another day you breathed through. So take a deep breath because none of us are grown up – we are all “growing UP” – even our grandmothers & grandfathers haven’t figured it all out yet. You are an adult and that’s why life’s challenges have become so worrisome and stressful. If they weren’t, well then, we’d probably really need to have a sit down discussion on needing to “grow up”. “

I will also tell you this – the next disaster is what I know will be my next heartache.  The news, the media, social websites and even blog post filled with the tragedies that have happened recently breaks me.  It really does hurt.  That’s just one more thing that I know to be true about myself – I let these things that happen discourage me and it leaves me feeling emotionally overwhelmed.  Reminding myself that I can’t take on the emotions these things have put out into the world is the only thing I have found to be a solution.  I can only do my best to help out; my hand can only reach so far without losing my own balance.  It sounds selfish but it’s not; I trust in God this way – He knows my capabilities and how far I would try to go to help another person but I can’t “fix” whatever emotions these people may be feelings due to everything they’ve lost.  I don’t think those feelings need to be “fixed” at all – I believe people should ‘feel’ their way through things in order to heal.  Which is something I know I can not do for them.

It’s also not something anyone could ever do for me either.

Which brings me to the next topic:

After my son’s father was in accident I spent a lot of time inside my own head.  Also, recently, this is what I’ve discovered – That type of anger I was carrying around was not meant for anyone else in this world to witness, feel, see or be any part of.  It was my own and I’m sincerely sorry for those who had been any part of it.  It is a very VERY dangerous and frightening type of anger that I hope and pray I’ll never witness nor feel again.  It wasn’t until recently that I sat down long enough to sort out all of my own thoughts to try and figure out where this anger derived from – what would trigger it – why the people I loved most seemed to be victims of it.

Sometimes people don’t want to look at their own shit and for a very long time I was completely unaware that half the things I reacted to were because of myself and not others who were involved in these events that would tick me off or those who would just be around me during a pissy moment. I slowly started to lose people out of my life because of my actions – I would write it off as something they had done that made me react the way I had or something they didn’t do that angered me.  It wasn’t good and it took losing two people that I admired and adored for me to really turn around and look in the mirror for the right answers.  I honestly believe if it weren’t for them I probably would not be sitting here today with my head screwed on straight, knowing that I have to change these part of me and the way that I react to things in order to become who I want to be.

I can not rely on others to tip-toe around me in order to keep me from taking something wrong or reading something in such a way it could completely throw off what was meant to be said.  Sometimes we all do that though; interpret things the wrong way.  Staying mindful of this is probably one of the best ways to stay within the borders of safely communicating with another person.

Back to the anger – it’s unhealthy in so many ways.  It’s deceitful, vengeful, hateful, relentless, terrifying and just down right spiteful.  I was mad at the world.  Everything was against me when this anger triggered – that’s how I felt. AND. I. MEAN. EVERYTHING.  It is very irrational.  It happened though.

The thing is –   It’s always misplaced and an ex-coworkers shared a perfect analogy on how but she definitely worded it better :

Say that it’s the very beginning of your baseball game.  Everyone is having a great time and then the umpire calls an “Out” that you think is unfair – you tag it as a “wrongful out” but the game continues on anyways.  Your team catches up and it’s the end of the ninth – y’all are tied but the other teams up to bat and the bases are loaded.  The pitch goes in and they  knock it out of the park.

You’re disappointed – upset – mad – you get angry and what do you do?  Well, you’re mad at the fact that you lost the game.   Then, you take a step back and look at the game in it’s entirety – You blame that one bad call by the umpire that happened at the VERY beginning of the game as the reason why you lost.  All the playing, hustling or mistakes or even great hits that you put into it between that point and the end had nothing to do with you losing – you only see it as being because of that one bad call.  One mistake – you put all your blame there and forget the rest.

because you felt cheated. You felt as if you didn’t get as much as you deserved.  You feel because of that ONE thing – you lost everything.

So, every new game – you are waiting for that bad call.

You have acquired absolutely nothing from that game besides a memory of an umpire who made a bad call causing  you to lose.  So, that’s where your anger gets placed and that’s where it’s hidden.

This is how I traced back where my anger came from and why it would resurface in certain situations.  Every time I would start on something new I was waiting for that umpire to make a bad call – I was letting my anger resurface and as soon as I felt as if I had been handed something less than what I thought I deserved – I tore through it with all the rage I felt in my little stubborn heart.

Every time I felt as if I had lost something – it triggered an anger I had never let go of from earlier in my life and I let it out on those who did not deserve it.

Discovering this, after a very long drive through the backroads, right now and at this moment, I feel as if I’m finally myself again and that I can finally let go of that anger that was hidden inside of me for so long.  I also know that in order to keep the people I love and care about most in my life – I’ll have to change my behaviors and the way that I react to people and situations as well as the things that surround them.

I thank my Father and Mother both for being there for me as much as possible during the hardest times and loving me when I felt unlovable.  I know this: I have amazing friends & family that held on through some really tough times. I could never be more grateful for that.

What I know to be true is that I feel amazing again and that I can admit that I had a little bit of a set back a few months ago after losing Sam but it definitely lead me down a path I needed to go down in order to grow-up and be the person I have always wanted to be. I’ve lost contact with a few along the way but I can’t keep dwelling on that and I’m looking forward from now on.  I’ve apologized in the best ways that I knew how and I know that I can’t keep carrying that weight along with me anymore.

I’m truly happy where I’m at in my life right now and I can say without hesitation that I want to move on from the past without looking backwards at so many things – I can finally say I’m ready to move on and to rebuild my life without any fear of doing so.  I know that this is something that I will do from this point forward – start building the life that I’ve always imagined myself having and with the people I love forever surrounding me.  I want to be in love with someone and I want them to love me, no matter what this life hands us, I want to feel secured by that love.  I’m not one of those who will go out there seeking this because I truly believe it will find it’s way in time.  I’m only confessing that I’m ready for it – I’m finally open to it.

Right now though – I just want to grab my son so tight so I can hold him down and kiss his little sweet face a million times and hear him scream “ewww, yucky mommy kisses, yuck!”

because that makes me happy. ; )

Blah

26 Apr

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